The life of James Patrick “Jim” Edmonds as a time line with special reference to the Cub-Card thing.

June 27, 1970 Jimmy James Patrick Edwards is born
June 27, 1970 Infant Jimmy James is loved and adored by all
July 14, 1974 Four year old Jimmy James’ brain develops to the point he can retain memories and conscious thought
July 15, 1974 Jimmy James thinks very highly of himself
June 22, 1978 Jimmy James excels in his little league baseball games
June 23, 1978 Jimmy James’ opinion of himself swells to staggering levels
April 12, 1981 6th grade Jimmy James asks an 8th grader at his elementary school to high school prom unconcerned with the fact that one of them should at least be attending high school for this request to be taken seriously
April 12, 1981 6th grad Jim Edmonds is very sure of himself
April 12, 1981 Stacy, the 8th grade girl in question is bewildered and frightened by 6th grade Jimmy and his cocksure aggressiveness, smiles tentatively, presses her trapper keeper against her chest and walks swiftly to the safety of her table of squawking girl friends
April 12, 1981 6th grade Jimmy James briefly doubts himself
April 12, 1981 Jimmy starts a rumor that 8th grade Stacy is a “full on Lesbian!”
April 12, 1981 The rumor spreads successfully
April 13, 1981 Jimmy is vindicated
June 1998 Jimmy James continues to excel at baseball and gets drafted by the California Angels
July 5, 1998 Jimmy James Edwards asks everyone to stop calling him Jimmy because he is a g’damm grown man, a professional ball player and quite the catch, not that he would let any one girl ‘catch’ him for than a one night
March 27, 2000 Jim Edmonds gets traded to the St Louis Cardinals
2000 – 2007 Jim has a successful 8 year stint with the Cards and Tony La Russa who becomes ‘like a Father’ to him
December 15, 2007 Jim Edmonds is traded to the San Diego Padres and away from his ‘like a Father,’ Tony La Russa
March 1, 2008 Jim changes his batting stance to compensate for some injuries and his advancing age
March 2, 2008 Jim still thinks very highly of himself
Spring 2008 Without his ‘like a Father’ figure he is lost and out of place. His hitting suffers. Jim still thinks very highly of himself and you can be sure he’s still a hit with the ladies. But a little of that doubt from 6th grade resurfaces
May 9, 2008 Jim is released from the Padres and gets placed on waivers
May 14, 2008 The Cubs sign Jim Edmonds, hoping he has a little magic still left in that left handed bat

May 15, 2008 Jim fins a new ‘like a Father’ figure in sweet Lou Piniella
May 15, 2008 Lou asks him why the hell he doesn’t use the batting stance he used when he was a cardinal and hitting the ball all over the damn place. Huh? What was wrong with that batting stance?
May 16, 2008 Jim wants to please his new ‘like a Father’ very much so he decides to change his batting stance
May 16, 2008 Jim feels whole again
June, 2008 Jim starts hitting the ball all over the damn place
June, 2008 Jim is constantly being badgered by the Chicago media force regarding his status as a true Cub vs. a true Cardinal
July 4, 2008 This badgering comes to a tumult as the cubs travel to St Louis for his first return to that town on the Mississippi
July 4, 2008 Jim feels safe in the capable hands of his new ‘like a Father’ figure Lou and has been having a blast plying the more impressive waters of the Cubs female fan base, so he tells the media hordes before a nationally televised game that “he was a Cardinal, but now he is a Cub, so lets all just move on.”
July 4, 2008 This statement makes Tony La Russa cry
July 5, 2008 A visibly hurt and watery eyed Tony responds by saying “you are dead to me Jim,’ but not in the pointedly angry yet cool manner of Michael Corleone and more like whiney brat who didn’t want to see his former ‘like a son’ succeed for a division rival.
July 5, 2008 Jim responds by starting a rumor that Tony La Russa is a ‘full on Lesbian’
July 6, 2008 This rumor goes nowhere
July 7, 2008 Jim still feels vindicated

[And this exchange (most importantly making Tony La Russa cry) puts him as close to being a true Cub as any player who helped bring a championship ring to the dim witted masses of St Louis could ever be.]

Cubs vs Astros
Wrigley Field
8/4/08

Mother nature takes over Wrigley for 70's night.

Wrigley Storm Part 2

See the entire set of Wrigley Storm Videos here.

You have to admit, if they were shooting American League pitchers out of one of those t-shirt cannons and you ended up with Harden and the guy next to you got Sabathia, you’d be jealous.

C.C is not just a good pitcher, he’s an icon. Something of a cross between Fernando Valenzuela, Flavor Flav and Abraham Lincoln. The proof:

• C.C has his own web site (No web site for Soriano, Theriot, Lee, Ramirez, Wood (his charity Bowling tournament has a site but that doesn’t count), or Zambrano (most surprising). (Samardzija does have a web site which I suppose puts him on “Icon” track.)

• C.C called a press conference to change the spelling of his first name to CC, removing those pesky periods. This is serious Prince, P Diddy, Madonna territory here! Red flag, upper echelon, high grade ICON. (Note: I anticipate that in the next 1 to 2 years he’ll change it again to C.C (pronounced “C point C”) and I’m just trying to stay ahead of the curve.)

• With his slanted cap and massive figure, when C.C is on the mound you don’t have to check the back of his jersey to know it.

It’s unfair to put Harden on a pedestal next to C.C but when you have division rivals entering the second half of a pennant race each picking up a big name starting pitcher within two days of each other comparisons are going to be made.

Harden doesn’t really stack up but he’s no slouch either. While lacking the recognize-ability and mound presence of C.C, when Rich needs a strikeout he’s manages to fire a few bullet train butter flies towards the plate and 9 times out of 10 the ump is pointing a dizzy and discombobulated batter back to his dugout. Steve Trachsel he is not.

Still, the beer makers got an Ace, we got a #2. On top of that C.C can go the distance where Harden is unlikely to go past the seventh inning the rest of this season. This makes a huge difference for the rapidly imploding Cubs Bullpen.

So does C.C tip the balance in the NL Central enough for the Miller Lites to regain the magic of the Paul Molitor/Robin Yount era of the early 80’s?

Anybody 6’7” 290 lbs is bound to tip the balance in some direction, and that is exactly the point.

C.C is a big dude. C.C probably displaces a lot of water in the bath tub. In grade school you might have called him big boned’d but that’s not what you really meant.

To put it another way and quote Homer Simpson,

“The only guys who wear Hawaiian shirts are gay guys and big fat party animals.”

If C.C was wearing a Hawaiian shirt you wouldn’t have to guess which category he would fall under.

C.C might be able to muscle through all that excess baggage for now but nobody has ever spent any decent length of time in Wisconsin and lost weight. I can already imagine the mayhem of C.C and Prince Fielder fighting over cheese curds and sausages at the pre-game buffet. He’s a dozen butter burgers away from entering Bartolo Colon/Wilson Alvarez territory and that does not bode well for a late season burst from C.C and the Bernie’s.

So if C.C blazes through the Cubs lineup this evening and you’re feeling a little down just imagine an even bigger boned’d C.C laboriously waddling toward the mound in September struggling to fit into his XXXXL jersey launching 55 ft balls towards the general vicinity of home plate. Advantage Cubs.

In honor of the Crosstown Classic Sweep TFB has created the limited edition Series Sweepin Zone Shirts:

Buy these shirts here while supplies last!

I am a proud American and to paraphrase Homer Simpson- I like my beer cold and my sportswriters biased.

It was not that long ago that the great Mike Royko graced the inside of the Tribune's front page and provided us with a daily tidbit of insight into our world as Chicagoans. Royko popularized the famous Ex-Cub factor, at one point worked at Wrigley, loved the Cubs, and most importantly felt our pain. The great sportswriters of the Tribune managed to find ways to find the silver lining in the worst Cubbie seasons. There were occasional howls of dissent from the sports section but they mostly fell in line as you would expect when a good hearted editor swooped in and corrected their opinions.

When the Tribune writes a front page story with a misleading headline about a Democratic politician it is totally in line with their tradition as a republican mouth-piece. However, when they start allowing their silly sportswriters to bash Cubs fans and desecrate our Wrigley Field this has gone too far. As an ordained Cubs Adorer Concerned About the Future of the Franchise (CACAFF) I hereby cast out the Tribune from our ilk. Concerned sportswriters may apply for re-admittance to the CACAFF after showing sufficient humility and love for the Cubs (even if forced against their will like the good old days).

You are no longer the trusted friend who would bring us the Cubs, Steve Stone, Harry Carey, and Disney Afternoon through your benevolent superstation. With the impending breakup of the Tribune Empire into so many shards there is extreme danger in our midst.

As the Empire of the Tribune Tower is crumbling before our eyes we see the minions begin to sense a power void. I can only imagine the chaos at the Tower...the copywriters are feasting on Medill intern remains while the editors divide their soon to be worthless fiefdoms amongst the now powerless writers.

Will Wrigley be ruined? Will the Cubs win the _orld _eries? Will the north side be forever altered by the Dark Lord of Sam Zell and some equally scary Illinois State Agency? Most importantly where will we turn for good old fashioned pro-Cubs sports writing?