Tortured Fan Base

James Patrick “Jim” Edmonds 15 OF

2008-08-08T13:34:03Z

The life of James Patrick “Jim” Edmonds as a time line with special reference to the Cub-Card thing. June 27, 1970 Jimmy James Patrick Edwards is born June 27, 1970 Infant Jimmy James is loved and adored by all July 14, 1974 Four year old Jimmy James’ brain develops to the point he can retain memories and conscious thought July 15, 1974 Jimmy James thinks very highly of himself June 22, 1978 Jimmy James excels in his little league baseball games June 23, 1978 Jimmy James’ opinion of himself swells to staggering levels April 12, 1981 6th grade Jimmy James asks an 8th grader at his elementary school to high school prom unconcerned with the fact that one of them should at least be attending high school for this request to be taken seriously April 12, 1981 6th grad Jim Edmonds is very sure of himself April 12, 1981 Stacy, the 8th grade girl in question is bewildered and frightened by 6th grade Jimmy and his cocksure aggressiveness, smiles tentatively, presses her trapper keeper against her chest and walks swiftly to the safety of her table of squawking girl friends April 12, 1981 6th grade Jimmy James briefly doubts himself April 12, 1981 Jimmy starts a rumor that 8th grade Stacy is a “full on Lesbian!” April 12, 1981 The rumor spreads successfully April 13, 1981 Jimmy is vindicated June 1998 Jimmy James continues to excel at baseball and gets drafted by the California Angels July 5, 1998 Jimmy James Edwards asks everyone to stop calling him Jimmy because he is a g’damm grown man, a professional ball player and quite the catch, not that he would let any one girl ‘catch’ him for than a one night March 27, 2000 Jim Edmonds gets traded to the St Louis Cardinals 2000 – 2007 Jim has a successful 8 year stint with the Cards and Tony La Russa who becomes ‘like a Father’ to him December 15, 2007 Jim Edmonds is traded to the San Diego Padres and away from his ‘like a Father,’ Tony La Russa March 1, 2008 Jim changes his batting stance to compensate for some injuries and his advancing age March 2, 2008 Jim still thinks very highly of himself Spring 2008 Without his ‘like a Father’ figure he is lost and out of place. His hitting suffers. Jim still thinks very highly of himself and you can be sure he’s still a hit with the ladies. But a little of that doubt from 6th grade resurfaces May 9, 2008 Jim is released from the Padres and gets placed on waivers May 14, 2008 The Cubs sign Jim Edmonds, hoping he has a little magic still left in that left handed bat May 15, 2008 Jim fins a new ‘like a Father’ figure in sweet Lou Piniella May 15, 2008 Lou asks him why the hell he doesn’t use the batting stance he used when he was a cardinal and hitting the ball all over the damn place. Huh? What was wrong with that batting stance? May 16, 2008 Jim wants to please his new ‘like a Father’ very much so he decides to change his batting stance May 16, 2008 Jim feels whole again June, 2008 Jim starts hitting the ball all over the damn place June, 2008 Jim is constantly being badgered by the Chicago media force regarding his status as a true Cub vs. a true Cardinal July 4, 2008 This badgering comes to a tumult as the cubs travel to St Louis for his first return to that town on the Mississippi July 4, 2008 Jim feels safe in the capable hands of his new ‘like a Father’ figure Lou and has been having a blast plying the more impressive waters of the Cubs female fan base, so he tells the media hordes before a nationally televised game that “he was a Cardinal, but now he is a Cub, so lets all just move on.” July 4, 2008 This statement makes Tony La Russa cry July 5, 2008 A visibly hurt and watery eyed Tony responds by saying “you are dead to me Jim,’ but not in the pointedly angry yet cool manner of Michael Corleone and more like whiney brat who didn’t want to see his former ‘like a son’ succeed for a division rival. July 5, 2008 Jim responds by starting a rumor that Tony La Russa is a ‘full on Lesbian’ July 6, 2008 This rumor goes nowhere July 7, 2008 Jim still feels vindicated [And this exchange (most importantly making Tony La Russa cry) puts him as close to being a true Cub as any player who helped bring a championship ring to the dim witted masses of St Louis could ever be.]

The Wrigley Storm

2008-08-05T06:10:39Z

Cubs vs Astros Wrigley Field 8/4/08 Mother nature takes over Wrigley for 70's night.
Wrigley Storm Part 2 See the entire set of Wrigley Storm Videos here.

Harden vs C.C

2008-07-28T19:14:34Z

You have to admit, if they were shooting American League pitchers out of one of those t-shirt cannons and you ended up with Harden and the guy next to you got Sabathia, you’d be jealous. C.C is not just a good pitcher, he’s an icon. Something of a cross between Fernando Valenzuela, Flavor Flav and Abraham Lincoln. The proof: • C.C has his own web site (No web site for Soriano, Theriot, Lee, Ramirez, Wood (his charity Bowling tournament has a site but that doesn’t count), or Zambrano (most surprising). (Samardzija does have a web site which I suppose puts him on “Icon” track.) • C.C called a press conference to change the spelling of his first name to CC, removing those pesky periods. This is serious Prince, P Diddy, Madonna territory here! Red flag, upper echelon, high grade ICON. (Note: I anticipate that in the next 1 to 2 years he’ll change it again to C.C (pronounced “C point C”) and I’m just trying to stay ahead of the curve.) • With his slanted cap and massive figure, when C.C is on the mound you don’t have to check the back of his jersey to know it. It’s unfair to put Harden on a pedestal next to C.C but when you have division rivals entering the second half of a pennant race each picking up a big name starting pitcher within two days of each other comparisons are going to be made. Harden doesn’t really stack up but he’s no slouch either. While lacking the recognize-ability and mound presence of C.C, when Rich needs a strikeout he’s manages to fire a few bullet train butter flies towards the plate and 9 times out of 10 the ump is pointing a dizzy and discombobulated batter back to his dugout. Steve Trachsel he is not. Still, the beer makers got an Ace, we got a #2. On top of that C.C can go the distance where Harden is unlikely to go past the seventh inning the rest of this season. This makes a huge difference for the rapidly imploding Cubs Bullpen. So does C.C tip the balance in the NL Central enough for the Miller Lites to regain the magic of the Paul Molitor/Robin Yount era of the early 80’s? Anybody 6’7” 290 lbs is bound to tip the balance in some direction, and that is exactly the point. C.C is a big dude. C.C probably displaces a lot of water in the bath tub. In grade school you might have called him big boned’d but that’s not what you really meant. To put it another way and quote Homer Simpson, “The only guys who wear Hawaiian shirts are gay guys and big fat party animals.” If C.C was wearing a Hawaiian shirt you wouldn’t have to guess which category he would fall under. C.C might be able to muscle through all that excess baggage for now but nobody has ever spent any decent length of time in Wisconsin and lost weight. I can already imagine the mayhem of C.C and Prince Fielder fighting over cheese curds and sausages at the pre-game buffet. He’s a dozen butter burgers away from entering Bartolo Colon/Wilson Alvarez territory and that does not bode well for a late season burst from C.C and the Bernie’s. So if C.C blazes through the Cubs lineup this evening and you’re feeling a little down just imagine an even bigger boned’d C.C laboriously waddling toward the mound in September struggling to fit into his XXXXL jersey launching 55 ft balls towards the general vicinity of home plate. Advantage Cubs.

Celebrate the Sweep!!!!

2008-06-23T06:21:52Z

In honor of the Crosstown Classic Sweep TFB has created the limited edition Series Sweepin Zone Shirts: Buy these shirts here while supplies last!

An Open Letter to the Chicago Tribune

2008-03-25T21:16:29Z

I am a proud American and to paraphrase Homer Simpson- I like my beer cold and my sportswriters biased. It was not that long ago that the great Mike Royko graced the inside of the Tribune's front page and provided us with a daily tidbit of insight into our world as Chicagoans. Royko popularized the famous Ex-Cub factor, at one point worked at Wrigley, loved the Cubs, and most importantly felt our pain. The great sportswriters of the Tribune managed to find ways to find the silver lining in the worst Cubbie seasons. There were occasional howls of dissent from the sports section but they mostly fell in line as you would expect when a good hearted editor swooped in and corrected their opinions. When the Tribune writes a front page story with a misleading headline about a Democratic politician it is totally in line with their tradition as a republican mouth-piece. However, when they start allowing their silly sportswriters to bash Cubs fans and desecrate our Wrigley Field this has gone too far. As an ordained Cubs Adorer Concerned About the Future of the Franchise (CACAFF) I hereby cast out the Tribune from our ilk. Concerned sportswriters may apply for re-admittance to the CACAFF after showing sufficient humility and love for the Cubs (even if forced against their will like the good old days). You are no longer the trusted friend who would bring us the Cubs, Steve Stone, Harry Carey, and Disney Afternoon through your benevolent superstation. With the impending breakup of the Tribune Empire into so many shards there is extreme danger in our midst. As the Empire of the Tribune Tower is crumbling before our eyes we see the minions begin to sense a power void. I can only imagine the chaos at the Tower...the copywriters are feasting on Medill intern remains while the editors divide their soon to be worthless fiefdoms amongst the now powerless writers. Will Wrigley be ruined? Will the Cubs win the _orld _eries? Will the north side be forever altered by the Dark Lord of Sam Zell and some equally scary Illinois State Agency? Most importantly where will we turn for good old fashioned pro-Cubs sports writing?

They Call Him (The Big) Z

2008-02-27T07:16:39Z

A lot of words come to mind when the name Carlos Zambrano is mentioned, aggressive, combustible, exuberant, moody, untamed, but literate has never been one of them. Until now. You might have missed it but sometime last October Chicago’s Pilsen Neighborhood closed down some streets and celebrated “Carlos Zambrano Day” in honor of his biography, titled “The Big Z. The Carlos Zambrano Story” This was too juicy to resist. The enigmatic long misunderstood Zambrano was going to allow us, the reader, inside his mad world. Carlos would take us someplace special, mysteries would be revealed, universal truths exposed and love, happiness and inter-planetary peace would abound. Carlos would set us free! I had high expectations. The opening line did not let me down: “The life of Carlos Zambrano is that of an eagle that flies in the middle of a storm and, facing opposing winds, ascends powerfully until it reaches the top of the mountains” Synopsis: Carlos was born and raised in Venezuela His family was very poor He has a brother named Yormis He was not good at baseball and nobody thought he was a good athlete Carlos became a pretty good pitcher Carlos went running a lot and would work on his pitching Carlos got signed by the Cubs Carlos was nervous about leaving his family Carlos signed a massive, massive contract Carlos and his family are not poor anymore We are all God’s children The End (Bible quotes and praise for God heavily interspersed throughout) Aside from the fact that this book is a thinly veiled piece of religious propaganda, there are some choice quotes that make the overall reading selectively enjoyable. Kind of like the bacon and liver dish my Mom would whip up back in the day, just enough bacon and sauce to make the liver tolerable. Of course she never charged me $15 for the privilege. With that being said, TFB is tossing the liver aside and offering you all bacon and sauce, Dinner's up!

Carlos Biography Quotes:

“When I threw about 50 balls at him and he did not even hit so much as a foul, I realized that he did not have natural skill” Carlos’s first baseball coach on his initial impressions of pre-teen Z “One time all the children got together and made a sign on his bedroom door that read: “The Captain.” When the Father saw it he got very angry.” Carlos’ brother Victor on his Father’s strictness “I would see her and say things like ‘There is that chubby girl coming this way.’ Anything. But people would make jokes and bug me, even the leader of the brigade made fun of me about it, and I would respond, ‘Don’t joke about me and that girl because she is very ugly.” “We started talking and kissed on the cheek and we left there as boyfriend and girlfriend. Six months later we kissed on the lips for the first time.” Carlos recalling his courtship of his wife Ismari: “I am going to honestly tell you the key: the first one is God.” “That I would be signed before that “lunatic” because he didn’t play baseball. Even worse, there was a rumor going around that, once he was signed and the Americans actually saw him, they ripped up the contract in his face because they thought he was crazy.” Zambrano’s trainer in Venezuela Julio Figueroa, on comments he received when working with Carlos “I often talk to myself, and I remembered saying, ’Carlos Zambrano, here you are, and all you have left to do is ride this horse.” Carlos recalling his thoughts before his first Major league game “That was also something that God did…” Carlos on his proficiency in English I was so excited and I screamed. Can you imagine? I had subdued “the biggest one.” I then made some emotional gestures, not to him, but to myself-gestures showing the excitement of having subdued a big man in baseball. I thought, ‘Wow, how could I have subdued Barry Bonds?” Carlos, on his emotional outburst following his getting Barry Bonds to ground out back in 2002

The Goose and The Hawk

2008-01-09T05:35:11Z

Congrats to Goose Gossage on his induction. The Goose's only year worth discussing is actually 1988. The Goose was part of a Cubs team on the brink; or rather between NL East Championships in 1984 and 1989. It was the first season I can vividly remember every Cubs player on the roster (well OK, Rick Wrona rings a bell but I can't quite picture him), It was the the debut of the Dunston-to-Sandburg-to-Grace combo, Berryhill took over for Jody Davis, Greg Maddux and Jamie Moyer suddenly broke out, Sutcliffe pitched 12 Complete Games but only won 13. It was the year of Vance Law, Popeye came to town, Raffi was still clean and most importantly: the Hawk settled in to roam the right field grass after his MVP year. The Goose was mostly a bust in 1988, but we won't dwell on it. Now that we are finally leaving the Steroid Era, I can look back at these memories with more appreciation for the Hawk. It looks like he is steadily gaining enough votes to make it into the HOF, thanks in part to the ridiculous excesses of Sammy, Barry, and McGuire his accomplishments and career can now be properly recognized. Grace Image via MarkGrace.com

Fukudome rhymes with "Andre"

2007-12-12T18:13:38Z

Ladies and gentlemen we finally have the legendary Fukudome (Foo-koo-doe-may) under contract to play Right Field according to ESPN last night and the Cubs made it official this morning! There are good things being said:

"Plays like Ichiro in the field"
"On-Base-Machine"
"Power to the Gaps"
"Best Japanese player in Japan"

And some unfounded rumors:

Had surgery
Eats raw fish
Last name is Emodukuf spelled backwards
Is really a Japanese guy (?!)

TFB thinks this move will really help the club, we scored an exclusive interview with Lou Pinella to hear his thoughts:

TFB: Hi Lou! Lou: What the F*ck do you want at 4am? TFB: It's 2 in the afternoon Lou. Lou: (mumbling...) Look lets not gloom and doom this thing guys... TFB: It's over Lou, the playoffs are over, we are calling about Fukudome. Lou: Hey listen- I don't need this crap- good bye! TFB: No! Don't hang up.. He is the new addition to the Cubby line-up from Japan. Lou: (mumbling...) I really thought we needed Carlos for game 4. TFB: Lou- it's OK, forget the 2007 NLDS. We want to know about the Japanese guy Hendry has been writing love letters to- he used to play for the Chunichi Dragons over there. Lou: (suddenly alert) Now that you mention it I am pretty hungry. TFB: Thanks for the chat Lou! See you at Spring Training. Lou: What about that Chunichi I ordered? Let me have some Won-Tons and maybe some fried rice with that.

5 Reasons to Wait Till Next Year

2007-10-10T16:49:21Z

Well ladies and gents - We will be assigning blame to the appropriate scape goats shortly, but for now lets take our mind off the latest swift decomposition of our Cubbies. Here are the Top 5 things to look forward to Next Year: 5) Seasoned Lou I am not sure how much tastier he could get. Chances are he will have forgotten everyones names by Spring Training but the point is he will have a solid base and will probably figure most of them out by May. 4) ARod (maybe?) Thank you baseball gods and ESPN for reminding Steinbrenner that he is an impulsive and totally insane man just like when he was young. ARod = Reggie Jackson and hopefully the only man ARod ever loved (Pinella) can convince the future all time HR champ to come to Chicago. ARod might not have the best reputation as a clutch performer but he would absolutely feast on the sub par NL central pitching. And if he doesn't come through in the playoffs, judging from this years Cubs playoff bats, he'll have plenty of company. 3) Mark Cuban (maybe?) He said he was going to make a run at the Cubs, he has deep enough pockets to outbid most anyone else, he likes sitting in the Bleachers, and he has turned other sports teams into championship contenders. The tantalizing thought of Zambrano, Pinella and Cuban bringing their unique forms of energetic psychosis to the same ball club brings a silly grin to my face and probably keeps Bud Selig up at night. Bud will probably go out of his way to squash it, but when he does he will have the Tortured Fan Base to deal with. 2) Triple digits! Look for Willard Scott to congratulate the Cubs World Series drought on making it to the century mark. What an achievement. 1) Blue skies, green ivy, girls roaming the stands in tank tops, Old Style in wax cups and another season of hope. Its not easy being a Cubs fan, but it sure can be fun

Chicago Cubs Playoff Baseball!

2007-10-03T07:25:57Z

It’s been a great regular season. We started the season with eight weeks of abysmal to mediocre baseball (good for lowering expectations) with a dugout dust up timed to be the perfect prelude to a rest of the season run of sound pitching (rare), solid defense (very rare), and outstanding bullpen work (unheard of). No matter what transpires during the playoffs this has been a rewarding season. But we’re looking for more. Nobody wants to jinx it, yet we’re all wondering, how far can the Cubs go? Is this the year?

Prospects for victory:

ESPN’s panel of experts predict the Cubs will prevail over the Diamondbacks, eight experts to two.

Bad Experts aren’t always wrong, but when they come together to agree on something like this it smells trouble

Vegas has the Cubs favored to get to the world series

Bad. Cubs fans aren’t known to hedge their bets, we like to put our money where are heart is, to vest ourselves emotionally and financially. Heavy betting from our large fan base skews the line. A skewed line doesn’t bother me but if the Cubs have to beat the Diamondbacks, Phillies/Rockies AND Vegas to get to the World Series, that worries me because Vegas doesn’t like to lose.

The Cubs finished up the season hot, aside from a late season stumble in Florida the Cubs have been on a torrid pace since late June.

Even. We’re not playing the Reds anymore.

We’re Due!

Bad. We’re past due; it's never made a difference before.

Lou Pinella

Good!

He’s been simply masterful in every respect. I’ve never seen a coach handle all the disparate aspects of the jobs with such skill. The entertainment value would have been worth it even if the Cubs didn’t win the division. The befuddled, slightly sleepy look on his face when a relief pitcher comes into a game and walks the first two batters he faces; the jog/walk out to the field to argue a close play followed by tempered dialog:

Lou: ‘I thought he was safe’ Ump: ‘Nope, he was out’ Lou: ‘oh, well oh, you’re sure about that?’ Ump: ‘Positive, anything else?’ Lou: ‘Nah I’m good, just going to catch my breath for a second here’ Ump: ‘We’re trying to play a game’ Lou: ‘I’m leaving. You’ll give us the next one right?’

That and every Carlos Zambrano interview always get me laughing. Entertainment value aside this Cubs team has a decent chance at making some noise in the playoffs, and if they don’t it won’t be because Sweet Lou plays his cards wrong.

Carlos Marmol

Good!

Marmol has been the MVP of the Cubs so far. No doubt about it. Since he established himself as an integral part of the Cubs bullpen in early June the Cubs started winning all those one run games we were losing the first two months of the season. He pitches two innings most outings and can pitch back to back games, “I can pitch every day, I never get tired.” (!!) He’s our version of Mariano Rivera (late 90’s model.) Appreciate this man, recognize his greatness, love him!

Ghosts of October Past

Let's investigate….

We already got pasted by the Marlins in some key games, lucky for us we’re still standing. Good bye failures of 2003.
The New York Mets had an epic late season collapse that put a fork in their playoff hopes. I wasn’t around in ’69 but I’d be willing to bet my bottom dollar that Ron Santo had a private chuckle when their September fade was final. Good bye failures of ‘69
The Padres lost an exciting game 163 to the mountain people when their ‘lights out’ closer (Trevor Hoffman) blew his second game in 3 days. Bye bye memories of Steve Garvey, bye bye failures of ’84
The Detroit Tigers could never recover from the devastating loss of Neifi Perez for the season (due to his need for speed), steadily losing ground to the Indians before finishing a full 6 games out of the wild card spot. Detroit beat the Cubs last time they made the series in 1945, they also have the distinction of being the only team to lose a world series to the Cubs , twice (1907, ’08), so I’m not sure if this means anything
The Cubs have also lost some pre WWII series to the Yankees, A’s (in Philadelphia then), Red and White Sox. But that's all pretty much off the radar for most Cubs fans and for the Octogenarians who were around back then, they’ve probably witnessed enough tragedy and heart ache to know that getting swept by the Yankees in 1932 doesn’t make too much difference now.

Prospects:Good!

Cubs Karma

2007-09-27T05:53:45Z

Don’t relax. Don’t ease off a bit. Don’t rest on your laurels. Don’t start looking forward to the playoffs. Don’t take anything for granted. Take deep breathes. Focus your energy and perform within yourself. We are in a pennant race and its going to take your best effort to pull this one out.

This advice is not directed at the Cubs players, coaches or management. This is for you, the fan.

You matter. Yes, you. Your actions, your knowledge, your thoughts, and your beliefs all have a direct effect on the Chicago Cubs and their chances of getting into the playoffs and yes, winning a World Series. It’s called Cubs Karma. Don’t beat yourself up about the little drought we’ve had between championships, there’s a lot about Cubs Karma that we don’t know. This is what we do know: Cubs Karma is not a religious belief system, hypothetical theorem or ultra slick lounge bar on Clark Street. Cubs Karma is a barely visible, hyper-kinetic mass that hovers over most of the continental United States. Cubs Karma is sort of like the Ozone layer but more important. Cubs Karma comes in two forms, positive and negative. Positive karma reduces the number of years until the Cubs win a World Series, negative increase the number of years until we raise a championship banner on the north side. Only Cub Fans can add or detract to the sum total of Cubs Karma, here are the details of how your actions effect Cubs Karma.

Negative Karma:

Letting an opposing fan go un-heckled
Complaining about the cold
Ordering a margarita
Booing the Cubs, unless obviously deserved
Doing the Wave
Thunder sticks, stay away from thunder sticks
Suggesting that you care about the team on the south side
Reading or writing articles by John Kass or other Cubs hating journalists that are really just upset that their newspaper company won't exist soon.
Rally Monkeys
Drinking the blood of new born Eskimo's when it’s not a full moon

Positive Karma

Always take Cubs tickets when offered
Always get a few extra beers at last call
Don't leave the game early
Explain to opposing players the numerous reasons why they should not reproduce
Heckling the opposing team with timely humor
Don't go home after a game until you've visited at least 3 bars
Sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ at the appropriate time
Always know the inning/score; know the count more that 50% of the time
Always give caught foul balls to kids sitting near you
Always be able to name at least 2 random Cubs from the 80's and 90's (see: Frank DiPino and Derrick May)
Rally Hats

Go forth and make the best of your opportunity to bring unshackled joy and raw jubilation to our tortured fan base. (Just kidding about the Eskimo blood, drink up whenever you need that extra boost, regardless of lunar phase)

Sean Gallagher 36 Pitcher

2007-08-24T06:27:04Z

Never seen the guy pitch but he’s got the name of some south side guy who drinks like most people breathe and doesn’t consider it a good night out unless he got into multiple fights and was banned from all the bars within walking distance of his apartment. You know the guy, right? I’m sure Tai’s til 4 is getting his Jersey framed right now

Eric Patterson 3 OF

2007-08-24T06:23:31Z

Has anybody brought up the possibility of a name change with Eric? He’s probably somewhat attached to his name and would like to redeem the family name by proving a Patterson can record an at bat without swinging at every fastball over his head but it’s difficult enough breaking into the bigs without having to overcome the substantial failings of his older sibling. Lets be the first to start the “Rename Eric” contest,

Eric Ruth
Eric Davis
Eric Gunderflap
Eric Van Peebles
Eric Ericson
Eric Tart
Eric Bull
Eric Bonhopper
Eric Jeeves
Eric the Legacy

Carlos Marmol 49 RHP

2007-08-24T06:20:29Z

The man throws some wicked pitches and has been something of a savior out of the bullpen but is supposedly causing Zambrano some real confusion. Wrigley Field Clubhouse- (Carlos Z walks up to Carlos M who is standing next to his locker picking lint off his game jersey) Z: I’m Carlos! (defiant) Z: You Carlos? (soft spoken, questioning-ly) M: (Silence mixed with slightly audible trepidation) Z: (Silent, looking at Marmol with the curious intent of a dangerous mammal considering his reflection in a mirror) Z: I’m Carlos! (screaming, hands at his side, face in a mad red rage) Z: Carlos skinny (soft spoken again) Z: Carlos must eat (lurks off towards the food tray) M: (Still silent, storm has pasted, visibly befuddled) Piniella (watching from a folding chair a dozen feet away): He Carlos! (walks after Z towards the food tray)

Mike Fontenot 5' 2" 2B

2007-08-24T06:03:25Z

The other half of the Cajun duo, Fontenot and Theriot share platters of shrimp before games and a boat house on the Calumet river. They’re buds! Other notable facts:

Would love to live in a world where he could be listed at his true height without being subjected to further jokes about Lord of The Rings, Hobbit, Willow, etc. He’s a little guy, it’s not his fault and he can play baseball a hell of lot better than you!
Would love to give that Rudy guy from the Notre Dame movie a backwater whupping
Spent the entire all star break talking about fishing, he literally didn’t sleep or eat, just talked about fishing! Felt a little silly when he mentioned his feat to Lou Piniella after the break and Lou asked him why he never actually went fishing.

Possible tension in the clubhouse- Mike Fontenot wears number 17. This is notable not just for the fact that Mark Grace donned the number during his days on the North side but the fact that Felix Pie wore #17 on his back (and front while wearing the road grey's) then oddly switched to #20 before he was sent back to Iowa. (Not sure if Eric Patterson put him up to wearing his elder brothers old number. A number that is so stained it shouldn’t be retired but eviscerated. Not just from Cubs jersey's past, present and future but from the Hindu-Arabic number system.) So what gives?