James Patrick “Jim†Edmonds 15 OF
The life of James Patrick “Jim†Edmonds as a time line with special reference to the Cub-Card thing.
June 27, 1970 Jimmy James Patrick Edwards is born
June 27, 1970 Infant Jimmy James is loved and adored by all
July 14, 1974 Four year old Jimmy James’ brain develops to the point he can retain memories and conscious thought
July 15, 1974 Jimmy James thinks very highly of himself
June 22, 1978 Jimmy James excels in his little league baseball games
June 23, 1978 Jimmy James’ opinion of himself swells to staggering levels
April 12, 1981 6th grade Jimmy James asks an 8th grader at his elementary school to high school prom unconcerned with the fact that one of them should at least be attending high school for this request to be taken seriously
April 12, 1981 6th grad Jim Edmonds is very sure of himself
April 12, 1981 Stacy, the 8th grade girl in question is bewildered and frightened by 6th grade Jimmy and his cocksure aggressiveness, smiles tentatively, presses her trapper keeper against her chest and walks swiftly to the safety of her table of squawking girl friends
April 12, 1981 6th grade Jimmy James briefly doubts himself
April 12, 1981 Jimmy starts a rumor that 8th grade Stacy is a “full on Lesbian!â€
April 12, 1981 The rumor spreads successfully
April 13, 1981 Jimmy is vindicated
June 1998 Jimmy James continues to excel at baseball and gets drafted by the California Angels
July 5, 1998 Jimmy James Edwards asks everyone to stop calling him Jimmy because he is a g’damm grown man, a professional ball player and quite the catch, not that he would let any one girl ‘catch’ him for than a one night
March 27, 2000 Jim Edmonds gets traded to the St Louis Cardinals
2000 – 2007 Jim has a successful 8 year stint with the Cards and Tony La Russa who becomes ‘like a Father’ to him
December 15, 2007 Jim Edmonds is traded to the San Diego Padres and away from his ‘like a Father,’ Tony La Russa
March 1, 2008 Jim changes his batting stance to compensate for some injuries and his advancing age
March 2, 2008 Jim still thinks very highly of himself
Spring 2008 Without his ‘like a Father’ figure he is lost and out of place. His hitting suffers. Jim still thinks very highly of himself and you can be sure he’s still a hit with the ladies. But a little of that doubt from 6th grade resurfaces
May 9, 2008 Jim is released from the Padres and gets placed on waivers
May 14, 2008 The Cubs sign Jim Edmonds, hoping he has a little magic still left in that left handed bat
May 15, 2008 Jim fins a new ‘like a Father’ figure in sweet Lou Piniella
May 15, 2008 Lou asks him why the hell he doesn’t use the batting stance he used when he was a cardinal and hitting the ball all over the damn place. Huh? What was wrong with that batting stance?
May 16, 2008 Jim wants to please his new ‘like a Father’ very much so he decides to change his batting stance
May 16, 2008 Jim feels whole again
June, 2008 Jim starts hitting the ball all over the damn place
June, 2008 Jim is constantly being badgered by the Chicago media force regarding his status as a true Cub vs. a true Cardinal
July 4, 2008 This badgering comes to a tumult as the cubs travel to St Louis for his first return to that town on the Mississippi
July 4, 2008 Jim feels safe in the capable hands of his new ‘like a Father’ figure Lou and has been having a blast plying the more impressive waters of the Cubs female fan base, so he tells the media hordes before a nationally televised game that “he was a Cardinal, but now he is a Cub, so lets all just move on.â€
July 4, 2008 This statement makes Tony La Russa cry
July 5, 2008 A visibly hurt and watery eyed Tony responds by saying “you are dead to me Jim,’ but not in the pointedly angry yet cool manner of Michael Corleone and more like whiney brat who didn’t want to see his former ‘like a son’ succeed for a division rival.
July 5, 2008 Jim responds by starting a rumor that Tony La Russa is a ‘full on Lesbian’
July 6, 2008 This rumor goes nowhere
July 7, 2008 Jim still feels vindicated
[And this exchange (most importantly making Tony La Russa cry) puts him as close to being a true Cub as any player who helped bring a championship ring to the dim witted masses of St Louis could ever be.]
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